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Dating

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Dating

Jeff comes from a traditional, family oriented, close-knit and loving background. He wants to meet a woman with like values who is interested in settling down and starting a family. However, Jeff is very attracted to high-powered career women. He finds their drive and intensity irresistibly sexy and feels that he “needs” his partner to possess this quality. Jeff found that he is just not as attracted to women who don’t have high productivity levels and career oriented aspirations for themselves. Time and time again, Jeff dates women who are in school and/or working long hours and plan to spend the next couple of decades building their practices and climbing corporate ladders. Jeff’s relationships start off positively, but once things become serious, they fail because there are no common goals for the future. Jeff is still single and searching for Ms. Right.

People can spend years and years searching for Ms./Mr. Right with little or no success. Perhaps you are stuck in a relationship that is going nowhere. Or maybe friends and family members are telling you that you deserve better. Maybe just when you meet the guy/girl who could be “the one” you find you can’t commit and break things off. Or on the flip-side, you date lots of interesting people with potential but just when things start to go somewhere, s/he breaks it off, leaving you wondering “what went wrong this time?”

There are many reasons why someone may struggle with finding a suitable life partner. In my experience, the following are some areas where people get “stuck” in the dating scene and struggle to move forward:

– Subconsciously, a person is holding out for someone who is exactly like their mother or father, a beloved sibling, a friend’s spouse, an old boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.

– A child who experiences the dysfunctional or traumatic relationships of their parents, may grow into an adult who is afraid to commit and repeat the patterns of their childhood. This may manifest in finding “something” wrong with every potential partner you date, so you are off the hook from taking the relationship any further. Or,

– A child who experiences the dysfunctional or traumatic relationships of their parents may grow into an adult who is attracted to the familiarity of dysfunction and finds that they are constantly attracted to abusive or dysfunctional people. They do not yet have the tools to learn how to seek out and attract a healthier mate and/or have a healthier relationship.

– Rigidity. A person is unwilling or unable to be flexible enough to make changes to their lifestyle to include, incorporate and merge another person’s lifestyle with their own. This happens more frequently with older singles who have established careers, homes, etc.

– You have unrealistic expectations of a partner, therefore there is no one who can make you happy and everyone falls short of what you feel you “need” to feel fulfilled in a relationship.

– One of the most common pitfalls people struggle with when dating is that there is a contradiction between the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with, (i.e., the kind of person you know logically jives with your life’s goals and dreams) and the kind of person you are attracted to. (See Jeff, above)

Do any of the above resonate with you? If so, call me at (973) 348-5279 to set up an initial consultation. Together, we will explore your dating history in depth to discover where your pitfalls and inconsistancies lie. Being in a satisfying and fulfilling relationship can be come a reality for you.